eThoughts : Equanimity

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Navigating through life seems to be a lesson in equanimity—though that doesn’t mean one has to sit idly by while life’s carnivores chew away on them. It does mean that we might be careful making attributions about why such events happen. Cause and effect scenarios may be organizationally attractive, but such organization does not necessarily mean we’ve found the truth, it may mean we’ve found good(?) theater. So, let’s do some theater. The main character is always a “you” of course, as opposed to a “me.” And no, that’s not snobbery, it’s an organizational tool—I’m well aware of my inclusion on the “Idiot’s List.”

Scenario One, “you” driving on a busy freeway: Look at all the knuckleheads! Like a scene in a sci-fi flick, you can practically see the knuckle-like protrusions pulsating from their craniums. Each knuckle-like protrusion seems to represent some misconfigured apprehension of driving reality. Try and find just ten honest drivers, drivers who understand the art and science of driving. As you are a little scientist you are obligated to check your mirror to see if you have pulsating, knuckle-like protrusions. Nope, you are more or less like the burning bush of truth. Good thing you have a truck to carry around all those stone-tablets etched with driving commandments you can hand out—after all, one must spread the truth no matter how much it hurts you. It’s just another cross-to-bear that will eventually count in your favor. Sigh!

Facts(?): Lots of people driving, lots of attentions.

Attribution: Other people suck, you don’t. You must bear up—your god pays attention to your suffering and all of it will count in your favor eventually.

“Negative” Intrusion: What if you just have to suffer? Nah, that can’t be—there has to be a reward for this suffering—isn’t there a reward? My god, what if there isn’t? Nah, that can’t be, that would be unbearable. Oh my god! No, no, fight that devilment, fight!

“Positive” Intrusion: Fighting that devil also counts. Whew—now you can get back to driving and noticing the knuckleheads.

Parallel Attributional Theater: The world wouldn’t suck—if only… (insert fantasy reality here, with you as the main protagonist of course, keeping in mind that even if you’re the antagonist, it’s still all for a good cause).

Fun/Entertainment Factor: Really high, though you can’t let on how much you love seeing knucklehead drivers, but you are allowed to love your suffering and to let others know about that understanding.

Equanimity: When driving, pay attention, look for spaces opening up and closing down.

Scenario Two, “you” seeking attraction: Ahhh, there’s someone who looks good! Check your energy! Smile, read them, interest them. Good, they’re noticing you—that’s good! The others suck, but that’s their loss. You now can see if this new interest can pass muster. The white-glove, twenty-question vetting, done cleverly of course, is now in play. After all, you need to know if they are able to really see all the love in you just waiting to be allowed. One problem in your life, not entirely your fault of course, is all that love has just never been really allowed. Used of course, but not allowed. Allowed—what a lovely reality that would be. One horrible conundrum of life is that while all that love in you exists, it has to be allowed, which means your love requires someone else. Where is that allowance? How short-sighted can people be? How can they allow your love if they can’t see past themselves? What is the problem and just how long are you supposed to be so understanding? Love matters and it just needs to be allowed. But people only think about what’s in it for them, they don’t think about just allowing others to let their love show. Sigh!

Facts(?): Lots of people wanting love, lots of attentions about what love is.

Attribution: If only others would let you love, they’d see how much you have to offer. And that would help them as well. It’s a win-win if only they could just see your love. You’ve been putting up with this looking-for-love crap because you don’t want your love to go away, then it might be difficult for people to see you actually have it and your love would become even more difficult to see. You don’t want to make it hard for others to see how deeply your love runs, love is already difficult enough to find.

“Negative” Intrusion: What if you no one allows your love? Nah, that can’t be—there has to be someone who can see it, who embraces it. Isn’t that what makes love sweeter, how difficult it is to be allowed? My god, what if there isn’t anyone? Nah, that can’t be, that would be unbearable to live and not be loved. Oh my god! You could become so disfigured by the lack of someone acknowledging your love that maybe your love would die. No, no, fight that devilment, fight!

“Positive” Intrusion: Fighting for love is a good sign that love matters, it shows on you and in you. It’s just another reason your love should be allowed—your love is so resilient that you’re even more attractive. Whew—now you can get back to the white-glove, twenty-question vetting.

Parallel Attributional Theater: The world wouldn’t suck—if only… (insert fantasy reality here, with you as the main protagonist of course, keeping in mind that even if you’re the antagonist, it’s still all for a good cause).

Fun/Entertainment Factor: Really high, though you can’t let on how much you love not being allowed to love, but you are allowed to love yourself for how well you’re carried yourself despite not being allowed to love, and it also allows you to let others know about that understanding.

Equanimity: When seeking attraction, pay attention, look for spaces opening up and closing down.

Scenario to the Nth degree: Simply follow the above recipe.

Facts(?): Lots of people doing lots of stuff, lots of attentions about what stuff is.

Attribution: If you’re wrong, it’s other people’s fault. If you’re right, it’s because you’re so cool. Neat!

“Negative” Intrusion: My god, what if you secretly love being wrong—you could be doing the devil’s work! Nah, that can’t be. No, no, fight that devilment, fight!

“Positive” Intrusion: What if you love being wrong, but that helps you be humble? Take that devils! Whew—now you can be right about loving to be wrong. And, added bonus, you can be right about being right. Feel all the love. Be sure and let others know.

Parallel Attributional Theater: The world wouldn’t suck—if only… (insert fantasy reality here, with you as the main protagonist of course, keeping in mind that even if you’re the antagonist, it’s still all for a good cause).

Fun/Entertainment Factor: Really high, though you can’t let on how much you love being right AND wrong. But you can tempt others into understanding just how much you know.

Equanimity: Living well seems to require an honest smile, mostly because you know how to laugh at yourself. Now you’re free to understand others instead of just trying to get others to understand you.

Ahh, Theater!