eThoughts : The Blessedness/no blessedness; Grace/no grace paradigm

I was idly playing poker on the computer, attempting to distract myself from myself and I had a god-awful run of “bad luck” and managed to lose $3 million (fake money of course). This kind of thing has happened before (the most has been $4 million). It usually takes awhile to amass that much, yet it can take a fraction of that time to lose it.

Of course, that is nothing new. But it was interesting, as usual, to watch my body which I think often reflects our psychology.

What is that apparently cellular feeling that I was cursed?

All right, the gist of this discourse (okay–rambling), is my body as a mirror of my psychology. I have learned to not necessarily take my body’s cellular dispositions as the great reflection of what is, tending to examine those very powerful dispositions as reflections of what I’ve created or accepted.

So I wondered about the seemingly human propensity to play with fire and take the inevitable burn as evidence that we are not blessed.

From my notes: “Winning a game played against those using a stacked deck is not a sign of blessedness, it is luck. And it is the kind of luck that always runs out.”

“A wise one who attempts to marry a shadow is not so wise. A shadow who attempts to marry a wise one is still a shadow.”

Of course, this is not just about card games or marriage. It is about those darned relationships, one thing to another–especially us to ourselves.

I guess we like to play with fire. “Success,” if and when it comes, is so much more dramatic than plodding along, success or no success.

Perhaps humans have a bipolar propensity, even if we don’t classify it as a disorder. In a world of teeter-totters, sitting in the middle is just no fun. However, that feeling of blessedness/no blessedness, grace/no grace is a condition created by humans and not by the gods.

The question is how to get our body to understand that. I notice that mine doesn’t much want to, apparently preferring the world of bipolar opposites: “all is right and going my way” or “all is wrong and nothing works for me.” These two “conditions” are followed by the grace/no grace sense of our place in the scheme of things.

It is a universe built, I think, to make it impossible to fail in the long run, juxtaposed with the human creation of the fail/don’t fail grading system. We keep living in our own creation when it’s much warmer living in the god’s.

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