eThoughts : Imposing versus Implementing Reality

Though much commentary could be made about this subject relative to the global stage, let’s keep it within the ranks of individual relationships. The parallels will be easy enough to draw if we so choose.

I have been wondering (again) about how much humans use imposing tactics to get what they want. Such creations (or antecedent/consequences-based learning) may start out under the umbrella of implementing an agreed upon reality, but often end up with one or the other taking the ball and going home.

The upshot of this, is that the one who wishes to play or to implement realities in a cooperative manner is left alone on the playground.

All right you say, in personal relationships (as well as in many other arenas), there are many fish in the sea. So, one just finds another game, right?

That’s the myth of choice I answer. It is one of the many things that gets in the way of intimacy, the idea that we can just find another to play our individual game. That’s not intimacy, that’s having a supporting cast of characters.

Sure, it is powerful stuff when we find others with mutual interests and goals, especially ones that are close to our hearts. The depth of that alignment, both initially and that which is formed later, is the true cradle of intimacy. But using the depth of that alignment to impose one’s own reality is using intimacy to leverage individual desires. That’s not exactly a cooperative endeavor.

In intimacy, as well in many other areas, one cannot keep all their options open when making a choice. But we tend to try. This options-open approach to intimacy is one of the democratic pitfalls inherent in the notion of free will and choice. And such an approach is reinforced by the idea that there are many others out there, alone and willing to explore their options.

Now that’s funny–two people, laden with the options-open view, looking for intimacy. What’s not funny is a reality imposed by the ego, rather than a reality implemented through mutual understanding, cooperation, and courage.