Brought to you by Women Don’t Give up Ribs,™ a subsidiary of Conscious/Unconscious, Figure/Ground Reality, AKA Red-Monkey Butt Alchemy,™ a division of Book-In-A-Drawer Publications.™ ©2011: All rights reserved, of course.
We’ve got tongue-in-cheek ads!
Most-of-the-time requirements for You: Intelligent, gorgeous, physically fit, economically stable, playful female. Must be agreeable without being whiny-dependent, conscientious without being obsessive/compulsive, emotionally stable without being boring, extroverted without being a buttinsky, introverted without being narcissistic, open to new experiences without being delusional. Additionally, you must have opinions without being a hypocrite, be strong enough to surrender while avoiding submission (unless playing), be passionate without being negatively addicted, and must realize if you’re perfect, you’re not. Must also realize this is a dynamic list and is not presently nor is ever likely to be, inclusive.
Most-of-the-time me: Kind of intelligent, not so gorgeous, sort of physically fit, economically stable but concerned, definitely playful male. I’m semi-agreeable and not really whiny-dependent, though semi-dependent nonetheless. I’m very conscientious, but only obsessive/compulsive to a point. I’m mostly emotionally stable, yet not boring—unless you are easily bored. I’m kind of extroverted, but can be seen as a buttinsky. I’m kind of introverted, but only transitorily narcissistic. I’m open to new experiences, though sometimes worried about the outcome. I definitely have opinions, but am not a hypocrite, though sometimes I botch it up. I know about surrender, though I’m not sure I’m strong enough to surrender to a woman without being backed into a corner. In any case, submission is not on my plate. I’m definitely passionate, but worry about being or becoming negatively addicted. I’m clearly not perfect and don’t expect you to be. I realize this is a dynamic list and is not presently, though I hope it is likely one day to be, inclusive.
Takers so far: As many as I’m capable of handling, which isn’t a lot. Givers so far: Oddly, not so many considering women are culturally thought of as givers. Probability outcome: Dim to dark. Question of the day: Just how many ribs are required and by whom? Point of tongue-in-cheek ad: Stubbornness and apparent inability to go quietly into the relationship night.
I’d better check my ticket stub again. Maybe I got the theater right, but the location wrong. Perhaps the ad should simply read “Need help finding the correct relationship theater.” But how is that a good answer to the female ad asking for the same directions?
What conundrums we have to play with. Clearly courage is needed for the alchemy necessary to shift a leaden relationship standard to a golden one. In the meantime all the relationship problems still seem like a good fit—for better or worse. I’m still working on ‘em—after all, I’m stubborn and sometimes can’t seem to get much sleep.