eThoughts : Sometimes I Doan Wanna Pay Attention Any More

Motivation. Hmmm.

Sometimes I get lost. What are we doing exactly?

I get survival. Seems like a way to keep a certain constancy. There’s some comfort in that.

However, one problem with trying to maintain constancy in a dynamic environment is massive energy expenditure. Calorically, it can be a bad return on investment.

Unless one considers the need for some sort of constancy. We like predictability, especially in interpersonal interactions. Maybe the massive energy expenditure to create and maintain the illusion of constancy and hence predictability is a necessary balm.

And when the need for predictability turns into the need to screw other people over? After all, there are only limited resources. Think about those consequences.

Or, think about the outcomes of different thinking and behaviors. What if we learned there are unlimited resources? Perhaps not in just one kind of resource, but overall.

However, if survival remains the most important issue, than the old way of thinking is embedded even more. If survival isn’t the most important issue, but the quality of life is, then thinking and behavior takes on a different tenor.

I dunno.

Maybe it’s all just ignorant Shangri Lai-ing it—like there’s something more. Or if there is, what difference does it make?

I guess it keeps coming back to the quality of life. Not quality in the sense that there is always something to criticize simply because life can always be better, but the quality of our awareness. Better awareness simply means freed awareness. We can muck it up from there of course, but if we know how to free awareness up, we can unmuck.

Bleeding heart liberal, right? Like rattlesnakes are not to be judged because they deserve life and opportunity?

Somehow I get the impression that rattlesnake judgment is one kind of clarity, while rattlesnake awareness is another. The former could be considered experienced, the latter could be considered both experienced and wise.

I realize I’m not fourteen anymore, but it still looks like we can have our cake and eat it as well. It’s an easy position to attack. After all, the critical-seeking folks like easy prey—it’s an easy way to sustain the lifestyle.

I dunno. It may be better to grin and share it. But that does mean exposure.

Instead, it seems like we’re a population of folks with guns pointed nervously at each other and ourselves, maintaining some modicum of interpersonal decorum because not doing so means destruction.

As I said, what if we make it mean something else?

I dunno.

Sometimes I’m not sure I wanna pay attention anymore.

Except that I begin to grin…

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