eThoughts : October 1, 2009: Soul Mates

The concept of having a soul mate almost always refers to a human-to-human relationship, though some humans seem to have animal pets as soul mates (as opposed to human pets—and don’t send your cards and letters to me, it’s a legitimate observation). And the concept of soul mate always seems to infer a good thing, though some human-to-human relationships are nothing but trouble for many of us (let’s call it the Bonnie and Clyde or Adolf and Eva Syndrome, etc.). However, it seems to me that much of having a soul mate is more about being locked-in with perception and addictions—and that is the subject of this particular musing.


Some see part of reality as though they see all of reality. Those beings are addicted to “clarity”—as in a way of looking at something, is the way it is. To embrace another view is tantamount to having an affair with their “clarity”—to disrespect what they see. Their soul mate is dogma, where the facts don’t matter.

Some need to win. They are addicted to ego—the kind that has to win. Winning means two things, however: One is getting what they want and looking good at it or having pain from not getting what they want, and looking good at it. Their soul mate is mood, where feelings matter most, as though getting or not was the same as being blessed or not. Still, it doesn’t matter, as even in not getting one at least felt something.

Some are addicted to chaos. Life as stillness and peace is not discernable. To live, one had to stir things up—the kind of stirring that could make others “jump to,” as though that was the exercise of power. Their soul mate is narcissistic attention, where empathy was something for others to practice.

Some are addicted to peace, even at the expense of conflict. They believe that peace and conflict are mutually exclusive. Their soul mate is distraction—a kind of withdrawal or insulation, where they can be delusionally superior in their “understanding” about peace.

Some are addicted to religion. God is first and yet duality continues to be in conflict—as in the battle between God and Satan, good and evil, right and wrong. Their soul mate is sacrifice and suffering. Sin or guilt is assumed—as opposed to we are innocent before being proven guilty. Can you hear them speak? “We are proven guilty simply because sin (missing the mark) is our heritage. We cannot be perfect.” Such inherent guilt and inferiority can only be overcome by persevering and being recognized for it. Their soul mate is some savior or the other, who had been and/or will be. After all, one needed to be saved and one could only properly prepare to be so honored. I wonder: So what if our heritage is one of not being “perfect”? For instance, Oscar Wilde said that “it is through disobedience that progress has been made…” Have many of us considered how perfect that actually is for us?

Some are addicted to nurturing, the kind that involves giving. They believe that getting is the same as taking. They forget that one cannot give without another being able to take. Their soul mate is narcissistic contribution, which doesn’t involve the getting kind of nurturing, yet the giving contribution is all about the beauty of the giver.

There are of course lots more examples of addictions and soul mates, and lots of overlaps between the various constructs. These perceptions and addictions are not only ways that many of us live our lives, they are also ways we molest awareness. We molest awareness! Yes, that is clearly missing the mark, yet it is not something we inherited at the expense of blessedness—it is something we added to blessedness by way of adding contrast. When we learn the contrast between the particulars of reality, we can enjoy so much more the pleasures of reality. The molestation of awareness is not the contrast itself, but our choosing one or the other contrast as best, when in reality, it is only what we favor. Mostly there is nothing inherently wrong with such a choice, be it an individual or societal choice. The molestation problem arises when an individual or a society becomes self-righteous in their choice, elevating themselves—whether benevolently or malevolently—above others. Perhaps we should consider nurturing awareness, to let it and us grow beyond our present limits, without the self-righteous facet, and to honor those who have done so, without denigrating those who have not. After all, the variances of attention are part and parcel of each of our paths to learning.

Do not shutter all ye who believe in the need to impose control and limitations. The above statement is not liberal-speak. Such nurturing and acceptance does not mean anarchy, each of us running around willy-nilly without regard for consequences. It simply means that we do not start with control and limitations, we wait until context defines the need. Perhaps the reason we shutter at waiting is because we may think our awareness is not so adept as to see clearly, so we just begin by being well-armed. But a person with a cannon is not necessarily reflecting the reality of needing one, they can also create such a reality to begin with. Until we know the difference, we continue to risk molesting awareness. Coming of age can be a tricky path that demands uncontaminated awareness. Interestingly, such uncontaminated awareness is able to stand guard even as it is set free. To find our most beautiful of soul-mates, we need to be both alert and free—we need uncontaminated awareness.

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