eThoughts : We Are

It seems to me that any good relationship deserves an occasional deep look. It’s a risky situation to be sure. Try finding out that the real basis of a relationship is a house of cards. However, we need people and sometimes it’s better to have some kind of relationship than no relationship at all. But even more than that, we need change. A relationship that continues with the same routine is largely an autopilot relationship. I’m not making light of cruise control, I’m suggesting that sometimes we really need to push the envelope.

However, pushing the envelope is a tough gig. People may need change, but largely change seems to indicate loss. And it’s true—partially. That’s the problem. Loss is a bit of framing about what was. Sometimes a true loss, one in which a relationship was the best it could be given the timeframe, though it never blossomed, or one in which the chance for the best is gone, given the mind frame, is difficult to traverse. But just what kind of a loss is a relationship that does not at least seek to go for the best at all?

It seems to me that the ability to go to another level is the basis of a great relationship. It seems to me the lack of that ability defines mediocrity. It seems to me we’ve got a lot of relationship wannabes—peanut gallery critics, unable to get on the field and get to it. Instead, it appears the stadium is filled with relationship fans rooting for some love ideal but refusing to get enough backbone—courage—to be more than a fan.

There is not a requirement that a relationship be any more than honest and forgiving. I didn’t say forgetting, I said forgiving. Not everyone has to be best friends or life loves to have a relationship that is the best that can be. So we find out we’re nothing but friends—okay, if it’s truly honest. So we find out that for ourselves or another, it’s just too much to take a quantum leap to another level. It takes courage and honesty to realize that and to accept it if it’s truly real.

And what if the interchange of honesty, we find a life love? That’s not so likely if the relationship doesn’t jump to some other place from where it was. But the jump necessarily implies surrender, letting go of the home turf to find yet another home without anymore of a guarantee than one needs the journey much more than one needs to remain. I’m empathetic with those that don’t or can’t go. And on some level or other, we have all taken such a jump. But as much as I like knowing the environs of my present sojourn, I also need to push the envelope, to see where a “we” can go. I’ve found out a lot by doing so, though I haven’t found out some other things. Perhaps in some cases, some people need to develop the courage to go alone.

Whatever the case, courage, honesty, acceptance, is a win-win. But in a world where we are so protective of our position, I guess it’s just too risky.

A move to a consciousness of “We are” will likely require a boatload more consideration than the present conglomeration of “I’s” exhibit. Consideration requires empathy—the ability to step out of one’s frame and into another’s. Consideration also requires intrapersonal empathy—the ability to not worship another’s shrine to the extent one’s own journey becomes obscured. Proper consideration is an interaction between discipline and freedom. It is through some measure of discipline that we add some measure of freedom. And it is through the application of both discipline and freedom, that we add our contributions—even as we incur more responsibility.

For instance, and has been said so many times, in so many ways:

Consider that freedom is not to be confused with discipline—and vice versa.

Consider our contribution and our responsibility deliberately, but do not confuse being deliberate with being right.

Consider that learning is not to be confused with having learned.

Consider that all the things we don’t like in others are not those things we do not like in ourselves.

Consider that what we think are our contributions are not necessarily what others think.

In short, a nuanced reality requires nuanced considerations. In leaving our present plane of existence, we can still nurture the considerations we have acquired, though we will certainly acquire other considerations along our way. In any case, we have a stewardship to make that those considerations count.