There is nothing new in any of this work about renewal. As I said previously, the heartbreak, the understanding, the knowledge, it has been there for all the ages, told in stories, written in books, acted in plays, sung in music, lived in life. There are no secrets, only those who do not seek.
But there is something that deepens when transduction takes place, not just when a gestalt occurs.
That space called the synaptic cleft between neurons, when neural information is chemical rather than electrical as it is within the cell, is transductive (changes in energy from the particular to the particular), yet transformational. It requires a space, it requires changes in composition, but it is still a movement from the particular to the particular. Transducers can be transformational.
Sometimes what is new is not, yet it is. Again the paradox is complete, creation cannot be. In this, the retelling of that which is already known, with a different composition, from a different perspective, changes everything, even while it changes nothing. And it certainly does both. Yet the constant remains, energy as a particular, particularly moving, changing into particulars, all of which are also manifested in waves–the rhythms, the breath of the universe.
As I’ve previously recounted, in the early 1970s when I was having a number of realizations about my past, my present, and what seemed like my future, I was released. My energy was no longer attached to my perspective of the past, and my present revealed that I had needlessly worried. There was no dark hole in me, no hidden place that beckoned me towards sacrifice, no need for wounds. I had been afraid to see myself for fear that I would face this terrible, misshapen being, cloaked in attempts at respectability. No such being existed, probably never existed–probably could never exist except unto itself.
It was not just I that was free, it was all of us. None were called towards some inescapable, soulless black hole. But we didn’t know that, having long experienced through society, through our very own eyes, that salvation was not only needed, but required lives of sacrifice. We created the experience that necessitated the pain. And so we lived it, have lived it, will continue to live it–unless we stop.
There is nothing to do that does not begin with listening, with paying attention.
The bottom line is I have much to be thankful for even if I have a trunk full of experiences that also seem to call out for me to work harder or to give up and wither into nothing. Yet something in all of this journey brings me back to what occurred over 30 years ago, what I knew then would be re-realized at a later time–there is nothing stalking me, all will be fine, is fine. I have only to trust that I will see, that I will have, that I am and will continue to be fulfilled. I can fight it and stall it for lifetimes, but that is not outside of me, and it is not necessary. But I’m free to do it if I want, as I’m free to trust that nothing will be missed and I shall not be left wanting.
I am not special, I alone am not, or in conjunction with a few, blessed. Blessedness is here, has been here, forever. That’s what all the mystics, all the messiahs, all the prophets have been saying all along. We do not need to wipe out others, we do not need to police everyone to be assured that existence is blessed and cannot be taken away, it can only be given away–and even at that, only for a time. Blessed is forever, wanting is temporal.
If we listen, if we act on our listening, if we perfect our attention, if we polish our emotions and our thoughts, we will have patience, we will learn to be timeless beings living in a temporal body on a temporal plane. And we shall either not worry or not succumb to that worry quite so much. And if many of us realize that, we will be there to smile and joke and support those that find themselves temporarily off-center.
We can trust this or we can fight it. We have tried fighting and we have tried controlling, we can come back to it if we wish. But maybe, for a bit, we could set it aside and try putting down the gun, putting down our anger, letting go of our contempt and suspiciousness of that which doesn’t seem like us. Let’s stop forcing the unwilling to do the unnecessary in the name of perspective, even if that perspective masquerades as the truth. It seems to me that most of our “truths” only mask our fears. The more of us that put away the mask, the easier it will be.
I have been very foolish. I am likely to be foolish again. Hopefully, these 30+ years later, I will learn that I do not have to be foolish for so long. I have also done some good, learned some important lessons. Hopefully, I will do so again.
Today is Father’s day and I have been taking it easy. I have heard from all of my children, their very presence gifts to me. We have had our disagreements, we have had our joys, we have had some amazing moments that will live forever. I have much yet to learn about them, and they have much to learn about me. It will come in time, as it always has.
I will go north tomorrow–a road trip for four days–and see my eldest daughter. We shall have dinner and a glass of wine and sit by the ocean and talk. I suspect it will be peaceful and we will laugh and we will enjoy each other’s company. Then I shall head inland to see my sister and my brother who is visiting her, and to look at some country that has long appealed to me. It is not time for me to move or to switch jobs, but it is time for me to travel a bit, to see some land, and to visit my siblings. It will be the first time we have been together since our mother passed away. And it is likely, for the first time in a number of years, that we will have a different kind of visit.