Renewal Forty-One : It’s A Two-Million-Year-Old Nervous System

Well, that was quite a tirade. But it seems to me that, for the most part, I have been exactly who I said I was, and that was exactly what these women said they wanted.

It seems to me that I didn’t trust them because none of them seemed to know who they were, though they argued otherwise.

It seems to me that they didn’t know who they were because they based their identity on who they thought I wanted.

It seems to me that these problems can and could be overcome.

It seems to me that in the end, their inability to transition to the beings they wanted to be, became, in their minds, someone else’s fault and the power others have over them.

It seems to me that these excuses are simply the rationalization of their own lack of power and their own weaknesses.

It seems to me that I haven’t learned to let that go.

It seems to me that I should not be involved in that world. It isn’t healthy for me, I don’t handle it very well.

It seems to me I’ve also got a lot to learn.

It seems that the universe is well aware of it all.

If part of the problem is that these three women have bought into their own bucket of worms, the propensity men have come up with to save the world may be a different bucket, but it’s still full of worms.

Why does this all seem like a human predilection? This pattern seems to have a very firm grip on me, on us. I get over it for a bit, and then it comes storming back. Historically, the same seems to happen to humans in general.

This is not a gender specific issue. Yes, I think that women have major problems. But what in the world are men doing? What am I doing? Tell me again about saving the world? How dysfunctional is that? Just how is getting lost in that identity illusion any different, fundamentally, than what women are lost in?

I know I’ve been here, not too many pages ago. Well, guess what, how many times have humans been here over the last 2-million years? Apparently, this is looking like what there is to learn.

And what is that exactly?

Maybe that we don’t have to save the world, we don’t have to be what others want, no matter what gender we are. All this pseudo-niceness. Humans can be as terminally polite as we are vicious.

Not getting what we want, especially when it has been promised to us, is up close and personal–it’s bound to get emotional.

And why would that bother us?

Apparently we have developed an irrationality that is passing for rational. If we don’t get what we want, we’re marked as inept, if we get what we don’t want, it’s punishment for our continued unworthiness. So, it’s that double-edged sword, when we’re promised something and don’t get it, we’ve been given a double whammy; we’re inept and we get punished (apparently being inept is not enough).

I wonder if all of human evolution has come to this point, to develop the ability to let this irrationality go, to develop the ability to allow people to be who they are, to learn the difference between facts and suppositions, to learn to file information correctly. We can still help people get what they want if we want, but we don’t have to. And we don’t have to help them get what they don’t want. Now there’s an interesting thought.

There are 2-million years of this in our nervous systems. But just because there’s a skeleton in the closet that’s been there for a long time, doesn’t mean that it’ll take that long to get it out. In fact, that’s what yesterday’s tirade was about, bringing that skeleton fully into the light of day, right now.