eThoughts : Vacations, Part II

For many, many years it has been a practice of ours to take a family vacation. Even when my children moved out and started their own adult lives, we kept the tradition. This year my oldest daughter procured a free condo—a very nice condo I may add—overlooking the bay in Monterey, California.

This is the first time since they were children that we’ve stayed in the same shelter (mostly we seem to car camp—in different tents and at a couple of different sites—at state recreation areas). And it wasn’t just my adult children, but some of our associates and a former stepson (it’s California folks). All-in-all, there were seven to eight of us in this vacation condo, though it had three bedrooms and two full baths. Now that’s a lot of different attentions to accommodate in one house.

Toilet seats up? To flush or not flush? Whose wine was that? Whose water was that? Whose food was that? Who stays up doing what? Whose dishes are these? Who’s missing when we’re supposed to be going out? Just how long can anyone person stay in the bathroom? Who rides with whom in whose car? And so on. It makes for some lively conversation. Frankly, I’m sort of amazed, though we’ve always been this way, that we get along despite the differing attentions. We don’t fight, we note—even if we have some comical non-verbal communication in the process. When there is some tension, it seems low-key for the most part and it doesn’t linger. Even if there is some intense tension, it doesn’t linger. We seem to deal with conflict by using humor and respect (when we go out to eat, even if we get one check and have to divide it up, the problem is only if someone is overpaying). We’re different people, we recognize the need for space, and we not only embrace, we forgive, because if we don’t, we exclude when family is about inclusion. Even so, could we live like in such close quarters indefinitely? Not without a major revision to be sure, but for seven days out of the year it works just fine.

And we play. These people crack me up. When I asked what my son would do if I became physically incapacitated (my kids were deciding among themselves who would be the executor and have the powers of attorney for my trust), he replied that he’d order an energy knuckle (I used to do that to get them out of bed in the morning for school). And playing board games is just plain hilarious. The answers some of us can come up with, not to mention the antics trying to obtain those answers, are classic.

In a completely opposite way, being around these people is as invigorating in its activity as backpacking in the wilderness is in its silence. Neither one is something to do all the time, but each is important in its contribution to well-being. Like my need for being safe and out there in nature, I also have a deep need for being safe and out there in interpersonal relationships. The wilderness can provide one venue, even if it can be risky, and my family provides another venue, even though we have to learn to accommodate each other.

Safety and risk are important poles in a learning spectrum. They operate like having two eyes or two ears in their ability to add dimension to our reality. With both, we have a better sense of where and what we are, and a better grounding for where and what we value and wish to change.

Vacations this year were magical, I could not have asked for better. Now if we can only have that sense in our work environment. As for the political arena, well, let’s do one thing at a time.