eThoughts : May 1, 2010: Condundrum, Part I
Yearn to understand first and to be understood second.
Beca Lewis Allen
The rest of this is brought to you by Speak, Bozo, Speak,™ a division of Book-In-A-Drawer Publications.™ ©2010 All rights reserved (like anyone wants to rip off Bozo-Speak).
We live in a world—a universe (multiverse?) I think—of paradoxes. Paradoxes cannot be eliminated, but they can be traversed. One of the paradoxes that seems to flummox us and cause all kinds of moral utterances when it comes to intimate marriage (or near-marriage) relationships is the taken versus the taker paradox—and that paradox is a lot more than just sexual interactions.
What we seem to have set up at the moment is finding out who’s generally in control. There seem to be a lot of cultures who espouse the male as the control agent, with perhaps a nod that it may be the female who is really running the show. Whatever the case, control issues are trouble when they are out of sync. Control is really about riding both the moment and the larger rhythm. If we are to rise to that kind of control, as opposed to the notion that there is an alpha leader and a beta follower and never the twain shall interchange, then we would take a quantum leap in practicing the art of interrelating—a mutuality of giving and taking. So, combine control with reciprocity and move beyond the one-alpha-leader and one-beta-follower roles, and we’ve got a higher-order taker/taken paradox.
Here’s how I see an evolved taken/taker paradox applied: The man knows how and when to take, the woman knows how and when to be taken—nice. However, the woman must also know how and when to take, just as the man must know how and when to be taken. And, they must do so in a state of awareness that no matter who is the taker or who is the taken, the process is not about who is ultimately in control, it is about traversing the taken versus the taker paradox rather than each assuming one permanent role on just one side of the paradox.
One must realize that to be a taker is generally different for men than it is for women (yeah, yeah, don’t go to the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus routine just yet). And yep, being taken is also very different for men than for women. Generally speaking (I can’t speak specifically so all of this is accented by “generally speaking”), the meanings vary depending upon gender. It appears that men are more vulnerable overall than women over the long haul. Yes, men can be very strong for short times, but their forte of the two genders is not so stalwart. Men tend to be connected to how-it-all-works reality, apparently willing to shrug and forget about how women work. Their problem is their way is the way. Women, on the other hand, not only live longer and die less violently, but they tend to be more oriented towards interpersonal connections, a how-to-make-us-better-via-interpersonal-relations reality. Their problem is their way is the way. And yet another problem is that as one ages, the roles can reverse themselves. Fun stuff, eh?
It’s no wonder there appear to only be a few who know something about assuming multiple roles when it comes to the same relationship along with the dynamic changes as one ages. Yes, if there is a medical problem with one or the other in an intimate married relationship, roles can and will reverse. But those situations are not about wellness and choice, they are about being ill and having to take a different role. What we’re talking about are not forced issues like a medical illness, we’re talking about wellness behavior.
How about if we give up the one-roll scenario and go for being well-versed in the required roles of the taken vs. taker paradox? Think what kind of intimate, married relationship we might have if we didn’t labor under some one-role dictatorship? We might actually have real marriage. Think how healthy we would breathe. Think how much stress would fall off us. And, gulp, think how much fun we’d have.
Hmmm, maybe that’s the really hard part.
- By Travis Gibbs
- on May, 01, 2010
- eThoughts
- No Comments.
Recent Thoughts
- May 1, 2024: The Inclusion-Exclusion Craziness
- April 2, 2024: A Very Partial Story of an Old Man in the Woods in the Midst of Life’s Transient Things
- March, 1, 2024: Wisdom is Not a Singular Category
- February 1, 2024: Today’s Hunter-Gatherer Hunts for Information
- January 1, 2024: Hijacked: Time for a New Year
- December 1, 2023: Learning, Biology, Communication, Technology, Energy, and Alchemy
- November 1, 2023: Pre- and Post-Traumatic Stress
- October 1, 2023: When Language Becomes an Altar Instead of an Exchange
- September 1, 2023: No Wretch We Be (The Rant Continues)
- August 1, 2023: Magnifique! The In-Between Scene
- July 1, 2023: Intimacy Disorder: Humanities’ Adoption of Unrealistic Fear (so far)
- June 1, 2023: Integrative-Self Disorder and Integrative-Civil Disorder
- May 1, 2023: The Big Pretend
- April 2, 2023: Inflammation
- March 1, 2023: The Premise-Check Light is On: The Simple Life Myth
Stream of Consciousness
What people are saying
- Travis Gibbs on April 2, 2020: A Very Partial Story of Janis May
- Queenofchaos06 on April 2, 2020: A Very Partial Story of Janis May
- Travis Gibbs on November 1, 2019: The Trouble with Civility, Part II
- Edgar on November 1, 2019: The Trouble with Civility, Part II
- Travis Gibbs on July 1, 2019: Stoical in a Time of General Sorrow?
- Edgar on July 1, 2019: Stoical in a Time of General Sorrow?
- Edgar on January 31, 2019: Mind Hack: Part Deux (see the blog dated December 10, 2016)
- Travis Gibbs on January 31, 2019: Mind Hack: Part Deux (see the blog dated December 10, 2016)
- Edgar on January 31, 2019: Mind Hack: Part Deux (see the blog dated December 10, 2016)
- Travis Gibbs on April 29, 2018: A World of Full of Intersections
- Edgar on April 29, 2018: A World of Full of Intersections
- Travis Gibbs on March 26, 2018: Part IV: Courage
- Edgar on March 26, 2018: Part IV: Courage
- Travis Gibbs on Contact
- arianamromero on Contact
- Travis Gibbs on July 17, 2016: Making American Great Again? Telling it like it is?
- deborahdearest on July 17, 2016: Making American Great Again? Telling it like it is?
- Travis Gibbs on June 10, 2016: The Ratings Phenomenon
- adamgc91 on June 10, 2016: The Ratings Phenomenon
- Travis Gibbs on June 7, 2016: Who Can Use the Toilet?
- Immune2Tasers on June 7, 2016: Who Can Use the Toilet?
- Travis Gibbs on Contact
- ndelao on Contact
- Travis Gibbs on June 3, 2014: God and Machine
- actions on June 3, 2014: God and Machine
- Travis Gibbs on September 9, 2013: The Not Even Ready for Bumper-Sticker Philosophy
- Travis Gibbs on More Same Ol’, Same Ol’: November 25, 2013
- Lyla on More Same Ol’, Same Ol’: November 25, 2013
- Lyla on September 9, 2013: The Not Even Ready for Bumper-Sticker Philosophy
- Travis Gibbs on Contact
- Megan TLe on Contact
- Megan TLe on Contact
- Travis Gibbs on Contact
- Megan TLe on Contact
- Travis Gibbs on Contact
- Travis Gibbs on Renewal: One : Chasing Our Tails
- Travis Gibbs on More Caring and Less Carrying?: Political Diversions, Part II
- v1felipe on More Caring and Less Carrying?: Political Diversions, Part II
- v1felipe on Contact
- eThoughts: Freedom, Choice, and Enlightenment on Renewal The Non-Ordinary Reference Pages
- eThoughts: Holidays, Good Will, Genuineness, Control, Awareness, Love, Grace, and Experience | Travisgibbs.com on eThoughts : We Are and the Age of Clarity
- eThoughts: Freedom, Choice, and Enlightenment | Travisgibbs.com on Renewal Six : Choice Eventually Limits Choice
- Nice on Renewal: One : Chasing Our Tails