eThoughts : Cohort Communities: Housing People of Like Minds

Part of the series It’s All Been Said Before™ (© 2006), a division of Book-In-A-Drawer Publications.™

What prompted my previous cognitive meandering was a lot of email about terrorism, supporting our country, supporting our policies, etc. As I and others have said, supporting the principles our country was founded upon does not mean we have to support our country’s policies. That’s not an unpatriotic statement, it’s exactly what patriotism is about. Besides, as I previously wrote, I think if we’re so pissed off about the state of things and really want to do something about it, let’s look at our local behaviors—how do we expect to have any legitimacy on a global level when we cannot even be courteous to each other?!

All right, we know this all ready, and obviously we don’t do much about it. Oh, we pass laws and resolutions governing various kinds of trespass, but we don’t enforce them. In fact, more often than not, when we speak up about such trespass, we’re looked at as though we don’t have anything better to do—not only by those we speak out to, but by those charged with enforcing the existing laws against the various kinds of trespass. We still seem to be a nation that values the grand home-run, the big play, the defining moment. Meanwhile, all kinds of behavioral and cognitive ridiculousness-es are running around in the rather large space between supposedly great moments.

So, I propose that we pass and enforce a resolution that helps us all. Based on the concept of retirement communities, let’s build and maintain something called Cohort Communities—Housing People of Like Minds.

For instance, for all those people who feel it is necessary to talk on cell phones regardless of the context, let’s let them live in the same community together. They don’t care and the problem is solved for the rest of us who think it impolite. These Cell-Phone Talkers would have to work, go to school, shop, and go to entertainment places all within their own community.

What about Loud Talkers, regardless of the context. Yep—Cohort Community! They’ll have to have the same local requirements as the Cell-Phone Talkers in addition to sound-proofing materials surrounding their locale.

How about the Care-Less People—those people who don’t care about keeping up with their possessions? Cohort Community! All of those old cars stored on front lawns while they disintegrate—no problem. House falling down—no problem. Property in disarray—who cares? They don’t and the rest of us don’t have to have it in our faces. Perfect!

What about the Bump-the-Music crowd—those who love to crank their music to levels the deaf can hear? You’re onto it—Cohort Community! They’ll also need a sound-proof wall enclosing their community, hopefully the kind of wall that bounces the sound back into the local domiciles rather than absorbing it.

What about the Pets-as-Knick-Knack People—those irresponsible pet owners? Tough one as we cannot abandon the poor pets. Solution? Animal Ferbies! Besides living in their Cohort Community of like-minded, irresponsible pet owners, these people would not be allowed to own any live pets. But they can program their Ferbie dogs to bark all the time if they want to. The upgraded models will run loose, chewing and/or humping on other Ferbies, wrecking others’ possessions, pooping and peeing on whatever, chasing people, running in front of cars—all the things irresponsible pet owners seem to love and need.

Here’s another tough one—how about Inattentive Drivers? Solution? Yep, Cohort Community. This community will have auto dealerships that sell only Bumper Cars. And these driving Bozos will only be able to drive their Bumper Cars locally. This community will not need any driving laws or enforcement—irrelevant. Think of the tax dollars the rest of us will save, not to mention being safer on our own roads. What if the members of this particular Cohort Community need to go outside their own grounds? They’ll need to use public transportation of course.

Obviously I’ve not generated a comprehensive list—we’ve got the Shoppers-Who-Don’t- Understand-They’re-Going-to-Have-to-Pay-By-Some-Means-or-the-Other until the checker mentions it, the Pedestrians-Not-too-Proud-to-Take-Their (and other people’s)-Time, the Customer-Service-People-Who-Believe-Customers-Are-an-Inconvenience Cohort, the People-Who-Want-to-Give-Their-Work-to-Others-to-Accomplish Group, not to mention Terrorist Cohort Communities (that’ll be a blast for them), and so on, and on. Let’s face it, there’s just too much material and I’m getting hungry and need to move on.

But wait, these Cohort Communities are nothing but discrimination you say? You bet. Dehumanization? Not a chance—that occurs when individuals blatantly hurl their own lives onto others. Try and keep the two straight.

Ahh, you reply, I’m really talking about segregation, keeping people snared in some category, unable to access any “upward” mobility. Wrongo! People in hell don’t much commune with people in heaven simply because hell-bound people have no idea why they’re there in the first place. That hell is oppressive seems to have nothing to do with personal responsibility and attention. Mainstreaming is not lost, those in heaven have much greater mobility and desire to help—so angels walk among us. That’s the connecting link, and the avenue for repression release, along with personal realization.

But yes, there are some issues to work out with this Cohort Community concept—it’s not a perfect concept, but then neither is our present one. Besides, this little rendition is supposed to be funny, and laughing at ourselves instead of doing global posturing or local ignoring may be exactly where we need to begin. So, ha and voilà, but not in a smug way! :)